Where had she gone?

14 year old, innocent and young.Where did my mommy go? Why was daddy always drunk?

 

I searched for hope in granny’s eyes but she was so tired and upset, “sorry” I said and to my room I left.

 

I sat on that bed and for God I prayed, to make her come back so I can stay , but time had passed by and mommy was still away.

 

I asked myself why God didn’t listen, maybe I’m hated by everyone including him, but I was wrong and I’m sorry.

 

God loves me that’s why he kept her far, she was ugly and she had no heart, she ignored her full of life daughter until yesterday but now it’s too late.

 

That day…My dad came home but he wasn’t drunk, and for the first time hope found its way to my heart .”Daddy is back” that’s what I thought, but I was wrong and I’m sorry.

 

He was screaming at the bitch who left him, I ran to my granny so she would hide me in her lap. “Daddy isn’t back” I whispered in her ears.”He never will” her tears whispered back.

 

A broken frame, shattered glass, a torn picture of him and I….the last peaceful memory said goodbye, the only thing was left..now it’s gone.I wonder if dad’s sorry now that he’s fully alone..

 

How did I get to the place that had got me here? I remember being pushed down by a cold breeze. I remember a falling of a tear, a tired scream, no help I got, but I was seeing granny’s face…..I’ve never seen her so beautiful and young, and I was hearing God saying he loves me and I knew I was getting far from dad…and further from mom..

 

There they were…memories..wet with pure tears…scattered along the ground…no blood I saw, no pain I felt, no help I got.

 

Now, I silently lull myself to sleep, a lullaby that they’ll never hear..but me and those angels.

 

A cold breeze, a falling of a tear, a tired scream, no help I got, but I saw granny’s beautiful face, and I heard god saying he loves me…..

 

Black, Red And Gray.

Final hours of a man’s life, who’s dying on what left of a street in his destroyed city, that’s all he got after a war that slowly took his life away. I don’t know when, where or why have this war happened, I only want to show the world that wars don’t give you a better life, they only take all the good things  you have, cause you unbearable pain and even steal your life away.

                      

                                                                             

                                                      Black, Red And Gray.

I’m feeling shallow, emptiness has conquered me a while go and it’s digging down deep. Everything inside of me is groaning in pain.

The urge to give in and collapse on the ground has sneaked into my veins and made its way through my whole body. I shake my head trying to wake up from this endless nightmare, but nothing happens.I just want to lay my head down, and rest my exhausted soul.

On the outside, fire is growing on my skin, making it so hot and raw. I feel a sharp pain in my spine,and it strikes my whole body. The agony is too strong, that I can’t feel anything anymore and now I know that numbness has finally settled on my skin….my burnt and torn skin.

Open eyes and dead body, no not dead. This is not death, if you knew how I’m feeling right now you’d understand that it’s something worse than death. Something can’t be described with words, that I can keep going on about how painful it is, but you’ll never know what does it feel like to be in my place.

I can feel my eyes wide and open like never before, I want to shut them down but I can’t. My burnt skin isn’t helping..

I can’t make out what has exactly happened and even though there’s no one and nothing around me, no one but my burnt soul, I can still hear screams and cries of terrified people echoing in my ears.

I try to move my head to take a look on the other side of the street, but suddenly I feel my mouth breaking into a gaping hole , and I try to scream. To scream at the darkness, at the voices in my head, at the sound of loneliness around me.

I feel the darkness surrounding me, landing its huge weight on my shoulders.

 You want to know my story? I don’t have a story, and even if I do, it doesn’t matter anymore because it got burned to ashes. But if you’re wondering what has happened to me, I’ll tell you:I got thrown away by explosions, burnt by fire and swallowed by the darkness,that’s all I remember anyway.

And I’m still alive, am I really alive? How do I know?. They say there’s a thin line between life and death, did I cross my life line to the other side of the road (Death)? or am I still on my way there?.

I never thought I’d say that, but death will be the hugest relief for someone like me. Surviving won’t help in my case, what am I going to survive for anyway? the ashes of my burnt home? my body that doesn’t feel like it’s mine anymore? my loved ones who have been taken away from me? I can’t think about what has happened to them, just the idea of them getting hurt is cruel enough to rip my heart off.

I want to laugh, I want to laugh so hard until I can’t breathe anymore, but I feel tears running down my burnt cheeks instead. Streams of tears that feel cold on my skin. I’m not even trying to cry, the tears are coming from somewhere inside of me, a place where there are hidden and burried feelings that no fire in this world can reach.

Finally, I don’t see flashbacks of any old beautiful memory, pain and war has even stolen this final small pleasure from me.

When I was dying, I didn’t see anything.I only felt my soul breaking through the darkness, reaching out for the sky of my new gray hometown.