Today might be our last day, that’s what I’ve heard. But you know, it’s not so bad because we’re going down together, so we don’t have to miss each other.
I feel lucky, because I already know that I’m going to die, and I know that it’s not a lonely death.
It’s bitter and sweet.I know that you’ll say there’s nothing sweet about it but you know Anna is crazy, don’t you???
I haven’t thought about what will happen to us, how will we die, will it hurt too much or will it be easy and smooth as a breeze?
All I can think of right now is my grandpa who died when I was 9, it was cancer who took his life away.He was slowly dying, and even though I was by his side the whole time, I still felt the loneliness in his eyes, but the smile has never left his face…a sad smile that made me feel ashamed because I couldn’t help, because I couldn’t feel “the mighty last moments” with him.
I still remember how he looked that day, my mind has drawn every detail that was on his face, then sent it to a small cosy place in my heart. I was the last person to say goodbye to him, and it was my choice. I want my grandpa’s last words to be mine, and they were.
When I walked inside, he was there laying on the bed, his eyes were half shut as if he was struggling to keep them open. I kneeled down next to his bed, and whispered ” Grandpa” I felt my voice shaking so badly.
”Ann! Thank god you’re finally here!, everyone who has visited me today were too old and boring to tell me a joke” he said with a fake smile on his face.
” Um, I’m sorry grandpa” I said feeling so stupid and mean because I wanted to say more, so much more but I couldn’t because I knew that if another word was going to come out of my mouth, it was going to turn me into an emotional wreck infront of him and that was the last thing I wanted to happen beside his death.
“Anna” he said reluctantly, then stroked my hair with his cold hand ” You still remember all the stories I told you, right?”
Suddenly I felt better when I heard the word ”Story”. I try to smile ” Ofcourse I do! how can I ever forget the best stories of an old wise man?” I swallowed hard.
he smiled but this time it felt more real “If there was enough time and if I wasn’t so tired, I would tell you one more story” he said, and I saw a tear struggling to escape his grey eyes but he trapped it in.
”I love you grandpa” I said and this time I couldn’t fight it, tears started running down my cheeks.
”I love you too Ann” he stopped and took something close to a deep breath “Since I can’t tell you a story, I’ll give you a piece of advice; don’t you ever regret having a dream, don’t you ever stop yourself from running after it” then his eyes were shut, and I knew that my grandpa was gone to sleep in Heaven.
Ever since that day, I’ve changed alot and it was all thanks to my grandpa, I couldn’t stop dreaming and that’s probably one of the reasons why I’m writing this right now. It’s the end of the world? So what? The Unknown Writer will keep on following her dream until the last moment.
One more thing I want to say? MERRY CHRISTMAS.
One confession? THE WORLD IS THE BEST DIARY EVER (you).
Let’s hope that there’s a next time,