I never thought that being responsible for what you do in your life would be that hard. It’s my Senior Year in High School, everyone is telling me that this year is going to be the best year of my life but from what I’ve already seen, I don’t really think so. Unless ”Best” means ”Hardest” in their dictionary.
I’ve been preparing for it since the beginning of summer, and now that school has started I have to study 24/7 and That’s what driving me crazy! I mean I need to live my life, right??! I can’t just turn myself into a total nerd and eat my school books! Yes eat them! XD. I’ve always been the good girl who studies all the time and does whatever to be the best at her school, but lately I’ve changed a lot. I can’t study all the time like I used to when I was younger, and that’s what people can’t understand! Everyone thinks that I’m going to succeed at what I’m doing and that I’m going to have a great future,which is making it even harder.What if I let those people down? What if I let my mama down, the one who believes in me so much that she’s not worried at all ? That would be awful. I always try to push the thought of how bad it’d be if I screwed things up after all the hard work I’ve done in the past, but it’s so hard.
I know that if I study harder and do everything I’m supposed to do, I will make it through this ”amazing” year but I just can’t make myself sit down and study! I study from 4 to 8 hours per day, but I’ve been told by my family and my teachers that it’s not enough! 🙂 That’s awesome,right?
It feels so weird to complain about school, because I’m not used to it. I mean talking about this thing is really boring!
I just want to buy a time machine, skip all those crazy times that I will go through this year, AND just live somewhere else with new people;) [Crazy].
I don’t want to worry about stupid high school, about how many hours I studied today and how much time I will spend studying tomorrow. I just want to worry about what should I name my first book ;), how much it will cost to travel to different places around the world, how many years will it take me to start a successful cancer charity for children, how hard is it to swim in the largest ocean on our planet,etc…. [You REALLY shouldn’t have TOO many dreams (like me)…because you won’t have enough time to chase all of them which will make you lose your faith in yourself (that’s what happened to me because I haven’t made any of my dreams come true yet)].
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t dream…you should but don’t go too far away, just choose what you feel like doing the most, you just need to believe in yourself (that’s what I’m trying to do right now) believing in yourself will keep you safe from falling apart. I find it funny because it’s so easy to say,but so hard to do. (I know that because I’m still fighting to just suck it up and do it).
Mama always tells me that time is ticking and I shouldn’t waste any minute of my ”precious time” XD. But she doesn’t understand, and I don’t want to complain about that to anyone I know in my life so I just decided to find a way to talk about it without my family or friends knowing.
It feels good to get some things off your chest ;).
I’ve always wanted to talk about this thing so mission one accomplished :P.
Until next time.